Why is everyone obsessed with grief?

If I were to make a word cloud from people's social media posts around the 2024 election, grief would be one of the biggest words. So many people are sharing how they're feeling right now and a prevalent feeling across the generations seems to be grief. To which I say "Bless your hearts." 

The mood going into election day in my social media bubble was anxious, near hysterical, even nihilistic. 

The mood since the results were announced has been one of deep grief. 

"...right now I feel only grief"

The title of this email was "A Poem for these Times"

I know the posts will die down soon but, all the same, I wish we could skip this part. I find it to be overly sentimental, precious and, ultimately, missing in any kind of power/class analysis that is sorely needed both inside of and outside of election cycles. Really, I'm not intending for this post to turn into a commentary on our political system; I mostly want to challenge folks to build community around something other than grief. Or even just use another word to describe how you're feeling. I know I'm screaming into an even voidier void than Instagram, Twitter or Facebook with this post right now but I am also trying to articulate my frustration with people's reactions to depressing stuff in the world and the missed opportunity I believe that feelings-based rhetoric presents. It certainly doesn't win elections. 

I'm trying to think back to where I was and how I was feeling in 2016 when Trump got elected last time. Election day is emotional, even to those who don't see themselves represented by either of the candidates. There's a nail-biting energy in waiting on a result that has huge ramifications for our future. I was definitely more post-y that time around. Don't worry, we're on the same page: everyone loses with another four years of Trump. Biden/Harris would have probably caused less damage had they been electable. The point is: we are too soft. We can't just be hurt all the time. We have to be something, do something else. At best, feelings can be part of the narrative for why you think people should plug into x action. You can throw around all the bell hooks, James Baldwin, and Margaret Mead quotes you want and yell VOTE HARDER but it's all just screaming into the void. Take off your mourning veils. Don't just sit vigil on the curb of history with clever signs. It's frustrating and indulgent.  

I was already primed to be frustrated by this kind of very public and nebulous feelings purge that's never directed at any specific event or institution - just capitalism/imperialism/colonialism/neoliberalism - which routinely surges in the wake of disturbing national or international events. Post-Nov 5th; however, I find myself more disturbed than ever by the vibe in my social media bubble right now. As a loved one said, "it's big loser energy", which you might say sounds very Trumpian. If you did, I would reference an earlier point I made: feelings-based rhetoric and abstractions don't win elections. If any party wants any gains politically they should be focused on winning. 

At the risk of sounding like a Gen X-er here, grief is a specific emotion. I am used to associating grief with tangibles, like how you feel after losing a loved one or some tragedy like that. I'm aware of whole disciplines cropping up to study grief around intangibles, such as the accelerated destruction of our ecosystem through climate change and even loss of the past and a sense of familiarity. I'm trying to open my mind to a broader application of grief but it feels too broad in the usage I am currently seeing. Communities that endure are not built around grief. That's big sad kids' club energy. 

I know some people are thinking ahead to ways in which they will have to change their lives to continue existing how they need/want to exist and that they are mourning the lives they currently lead. It is my main hope that all the people posting about grief now and outside the election cycle feel galvanized by their despair to do something and that this grief posting is a little pit stop along the way towards community organizing and really just anything more collectively-oriented. I am already seeing so many support networks popping up. That's awesome. Grief might serve as a connection point for a while but, ultimately, you need something to work towards; a collective, mutually-serving goal. Feelings don't do well just sitting there. Recognizing grief in all of its permutations is essential to coping with grief's twin: change. I've talked before about ambient anxiety on this blog - I'm with you there but challenge anyone reading this to expect less and organize more.